Friday Frivolity: The Art of Email

Any of us with a day job that involves extensive email communication knows the type: the co-worker who doesn’t understand the niceties of polite communication. To these people,”hello” is a waste of time. Closing statements are a bother. And heaven forbid these über-laconic types press more keyboard keys than strictly necessary.

Recently, a friend with a healthy sense of humor forwarded me an email conversation between her and the blood drive organizer at her company.

From: Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
To: Blood Drive Organizer
Subject: Blood Drive Donation

Hello,

I’d like to donate on Feb 1 at 10:00, if that time is available.

Thanks,
Would-Be Blood Donor

Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
Good Company
Nice Street
Reasonably Easy to Remember Phone Number

*************************************************************

From: Blood Drive Organizer
To: Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
Subject: RE: Blood Drive Donation

Thank you,

You are scheduled for 10am.

*************************************************************

From: Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
To: Blood Drive Organizer
Subject: RE: Blood Drive Donation

Organizer,

I’ve just realized I have a conflict with a conference call.  Is there any way I can change my slot to 9:00 instead?

Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
Good Company
Nice Street
Reasonably Easy to Remember Phone Number

*************************************************************

From: Blood Drive Organizer
To: Conscientious Would-Be Blood Donor
Subject: RE: Blood Drive Donation

No.

Wednesday Writing: A New Year and a Revitalized Blog

I mean it this time. I have a Plan. And that’s Plan with a capital P, just so you know I mean business.

I’ve revamped my story excerpt pages (Click on “My Novels” at the top, or one of the novel pages to the left right under my picture) to include brief descriptions of two of my novels–including the first online appearance of Broadway High! It’s finished, edited, and going through some polishing rounds with beta readers, so I’ll start querying it as soon as I can get a synopsis written.

My new focus will be to give this blog a thrice-a-week format: Mondays will feature the main attraction—film, show, or book reviews with a focus on the romance subplot and whether or not it succeeds. Wednesdays will be about writing—sometimes this will be about my writing, other times it will be writing tips, or Grammar Nazi posts, or even agent interviews if I can get up enough courage to solicit some.  Fridays will be random, but I will post something, even if it’s just a rant about Real Estate agents and who they think they’re fooling anyway by calling a house “cozy.”

And most of all PLEASE SUGGEST THINGS FOR REVIEW

That’s my resolution, and I’m sticking to it!

TV Show Review: Farscape (1999-2004)

Farscape
TV Show (4 seasons, plus a 3 hour miniseries to wrap it all up)
Starring Ben Browder, Claudia Black, Virginia Hey, Anthony Simcoe, Gigi Edgley, Wayne Pygram, and the Jim Henson Creature Shop)

For anyone who looks back to the days of the original Star Wars with longing–swashbuckling adventure, quotable dialogue, and a crackling romance among the stars–please do yourself a favor and check out Farscape. There’s a wonderful inventiveness about this series that takes all our jaded ideas about space stories and throws them out the air lock. Science fiction need not be relentlessly depressing to be compelling (hear that Battlestar Galactica?). Bring on Harvey!

The Premise

American astronaut John Crichton (Ben Browder) gets sucked through a wormhole and shot into really, really deep space. A shipful of escaped convicts captures him, but before long, they decide he won’t be much help in their mission to clear their names. As intelligent, funny, and attractive as Crichton might be to the rest of us, his shipmates decide humans must be a hopelessly substandard species. No one shares that opinion more than Aeryn Sun (Claudia Black), the hard-as-nails biologically engineered warrior chick who is their enemy until her own people brand her as irreversibly contaminated by contact with the convicts. With Crichton grappling with the unimagined wonders around him, and Aeryn despising him and everyone else on board Moya (think giant, space-going whale-like creature with convenient accommodations for passengers), the adventure begins.

The Pain

Although the entire series benefits from its overarching storyline, there are a few random episodes that do nothing to forward the story, and are even a little boring. Also, bear with the antagonist in the first few episodes–a far, far better villain shows up at the end of season one. Scorpius (Wayne Pygram) is on par with Darth Vader–and actually, he’s better.


The Payoff

Chemistry: John and Aeryn has it. Their roller-coaster romance takes a nice long time developing (thanks to Aeryn’s genetic programming to avoid love at all costs), suffers some soap-operaish melodrama halfway through Season 3 and early in Season 4, but gets back on track in plenty of time to finish strong. Cheer, laugh, skip a heartbeat...it’s all fair game for this fearless series.

Rating:

5 out of 5 arrows

Lookin’ For Love in All the Wrong Places

I feel like the theme song for this blog could be “Lookin’ For Love in All the Wrong Places,” since I tend to gravitate toward unusual places for romance. I read and love romance novels of course, but there’s something very satisfying about starting a movie or book and finding romance where you least expect it. Maybe that’s something like real life.

When I was in middle school and high school I had about a million crushes, one right after another, some at the same time (I know, like just about everyone else) but it wasn’t until I got asked out by a guy I hadn’t even noticed that I got my first boyfriend. That’s not always how it works of course, but you can certainly try too hard (my dad says I get that tendency from him).

Since that’s how I was, I’m often suspicious of female characters (especially teens) who say they don’t want a boyfriend, or aren’t looking for love. I know these people exist, but I always catch myself going “really? not even a little bit? Not even an eensie little bit?”

That’s why it’s (perhaps) ironic that I created a main character (Layla inVeiled Iron) who has no romance on her radar. Here’s my defense: she’s such a tomboy, in such a male-dominated society that I just couldn’t see her any other way. Half the girls in her school already think she’s a tramp for playing on the siegeball team with all those boys–she’d only make her reputation worse by flirting with someone. Besides, in her world, women get married at 16-17, and their marriage is the kind that existed in most societies in the history of the world (the wife is the man’s property). With that in mind, I can’t see her–an athlete–being anxious to draw the amorous attention of boys.

But of course, she is a girl, and she does have all those teenage hormones and emotions bumping around inside her. A nice mix of conflict, no?

Back?

*Michelle climbs back onto the face of the earth.* Whew, quite a tumble I took there wasn’t it? I haven’t posted anything new since July?? And I’ve read so many books I should review, too.

Here’s what’s coming in the next few weeks: review of the TV show “Farscape,” review of Under Heaven by Guy Gavriel Kay, review of The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (yes, I was living under a rock after falling off the face of the earth, so it’s taken me awhile to get on board with the book everyone and their senile uncle has read) and a Grammar Nazi post (really, she should rename herself the Spelling Nazi, because that’s all she really harps on. *ouch* Okay, she just smacked me for finishing that sentence with a preposition. And she’s seething over this entire paragraph. Heh.)

On other news, I’ve finished the major revisions to Veiled Iron and have begun querying. I’m planning on entering a few contests, and resuming work on Broadway High (for those of you keeping track, that’s the YA musical novel). My fanfiction story is finished, and several lovely readers from that experience have volunteered to read Veiled Iron for me and give me some feedback. Yay

Happy New Year everyone!

Michelle

Book Review: Sabriel

Sabriel
Novel by Garth Nix
An epic fantasy with a nice dose of romance

It took me awhile to get through the first half of this book. Not because it wasn’t a good story or well-written or anything like that–it took that long for the romance to show up. I’d actually resigned myself to a good story with no romance when all of a sudden *boom* there it was, and I became a reading fiend.

The Premise

Sabriel is an 18 year old student at a ladies academy when a spectre of the Dead visits her to deliver an ominous message: her father is trapped in the realm of the dead, and she has become the Abhorsen, a person charged with protecting the living by keeping dead things dead. She travels into the magical Old Kingdom, hoping to restore him to life, but instead discovers the Kingdom (which has been decaying for awhile) is on the verge of destruction.

The Pain

You have to get through some rather typical obstacle/solve/obstacle fantasy plotting in the first half (though the magic system and its basis in necromancy is fascinating) to get to the romance, but once there, all the characters seem to perk up and grow more alive.

The Payoff

I won’t give away who the guy is, or where Sabriel meets him, but their romance is the product of deft writing. With only a few precious details sprinkled throughout the narrative, Nix creates the sense that these people really are falling for each other.

This is Book 1 of the Abhorsen Trilogy, but it also stands on its own (I haven’t read the others yet). If you like dark adventure and subtle romance (heck, if you like fantasy at all) I highly recommend this book.

And Mogget is awesome.

Rating:

4 out of 5 arrows

Interrupting Romance for a Mini Sports Rant

You know, I was planning on writing today about a little theory of mine regarding the cultural differences between romance novels in the United States and romance manga in Japan.

But I am just too stewed about that flagrantly bad call in the World Cup game between the United States and Slovenia to even think about romance today.

Many suggestions abound, but the best I’ve heard is to make all goals reviewable the same way goals in the NHL can be reviewed while play is still going on. Make it so, FIFA!

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, the Americans had a blah-bordering-on-terrible first half which meant they went into the locker room at halftime down 2-0.

In soccer (especially this low-scoring World Cup) that’s like entering the half of an American football game down 31-0.

But we came back. And not only that, once we’d tied the game at 2-2, we SCORED AGAIN with less than 5 minutes to play!

Except then the ref called a foul of some kind (no one really knows what it was at this point, not even the players and coaches) and disallowed the goal.

One of the English-sounding announcers on ESPN radio called it “daylight robbery.” Thank you.

Movie Review: The Terminator (1984)

The Terminator
Movie (108  minutes)
Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, and Michael Biehn

You know those action movies that shoehorn a romance between the gunshots as an excuse to put a little TNA into the TNT? This classic from James Cameron isn’t one of them. I saw this movie for the first time a few months ago, and for those of you who tend to forgo action movies because they’re all brawn and no heart, do yourself a favor and go back to this one. The characters and the romance stayed with me for days. I’m not even exaggerating. I read all the wiki pages and imdb.com and when that didn’t satisfy me, I hit the fan fiction pages. It was that good.

The Premise

In the year 2029, a desperate group of humanity’s survivors defeat the machines who tried to annihilate them. The machines send a cyborg killer back in time to 1984 to kill Sarah Connor, the young woman who will one day give birth to the human leader. Sarah’s–and humanity’s–only hope rests on the shoulders of Kyle Reese, the man John Connor sends back to stop the Terminator.

The Pain

Sarah (Linda Hamilton) has an unfortunate hairstyle. Um…Kyle (Michael Biehn) looks weird in some frames? What else…I’m trying here. Oh! The time travel continuum stuff is a little hard to wrap your head around. They do a decent job of explaining without getting bogged down in the details, but it isn’t perfect.

The Payoff

This is romance at its most raw. Two people looking at each other like no one else exists, daring to love in spite of a bleak future. This is why I love romance. It’s life-affirming and hopeful no matter what cyborg bazooka-wielding beefcake is on the hunt (in this case it’s Arnold, the best of them all).

Rating:

4 out of 5 arrows

I would give it five except there wasn’t *quite* enough screen time devoted to the particular subject I’m rating. No knock against the movie itself.

Suburban street naming has gone too far.

I just discovered there’s a cul-de-sac in my area called Tyburn Tree Court.

If that doesn’t sound like a downright awful place to raise kids, how would you like telling people you live on Electric Chair Drive? How about Firing Squad Lane? Guillotine Way?

The “Tyburn Tree” was a gallows erected in London in 1571. The innovative design allowed executioners to hang three people at once. Earls, persecuted Catholics, highwaymen, and even the exhumed body of Oliver Cromwell swung from Tyburn Tree.

So I’d really like to know why some developer thought it was a good name for a suburban cul-de-sac in Northern Virginia, U.S.A. Had he or she heard the phrase somewhere before and thought it had a nice alliterative ring to it? If so, clearly the developer didn’t recall the context and never bothered to look into what the phrase might mean.

Or…someone got sneaky. Maybe the developer was sick of names like “Old Dairy Road,” “Brightfield Lane,” and “Soft Breeze Court” (all streets in the same neighborhood as Tyburn Tree Court). After all, if you don’t know what Tyburn Tree really was, then it sounds no different from the bucolic terms every other developer in America strives to use.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will add that there’s a road in northern Virginia named “Gallows Road,” but that’s because way back in early Virginia history the dirt road actually went out to a gallows. Tyburn Tree was a particular gallows, and it only ever stood in London, England.

Lazy developer? Or sneaky one? What do you think?

P.S. How did I know about Tyburn Tree in the first place? Romance novels

Book Review: The Secret History of the Pink Carnation

The Secret History of the Pink Carnation
Novel by Lauren Willig
A contemporary/historical romance and alternate history spy novel

Time to talk about one of my favorite authors. Lauren Willig is who I want to be when I grow up. Of course, the fact that she has a Harvard Law degree and I…do not… might put a bit of a damper on my emulation plans. Eh, well my point remains: The Secret History of the Pink Carnation and its sequels are awesome incarnate.

The Premise

In modern day London, American grad student Eloise Kelly desperately needs sources for her thesis on flower-named spies during the Napoleonic Wars (1799-1815). Everyone knows the Scarlet Pimpernel was a real spy, and they also know the identity of the Purple Gentian, his protégé—but Eloise really wants to discover the identity of the Pink Carnation, the most mysterious spy of all.

She becomes the luckiest grad student in history when she meets up with a direct descendant of the Purple Gentian. Even better, the old lady gives her permission to read the family papers—papers no academic has ever seen before. And never will, if her hostile-but-handsome grandson has anything to say about it.

Meanwhile in 1803, the Purple Gentian a.k.a. Richard Selwick is happily wreaking havoc in Paris when wannabe spy Amy forces her way into his life. Amy sucks at espionage. Suddenly, Richard has his hands full, carrying out missions for the crown while keeping Amy away from danger—and that includes himself.

The Pain

The book switches back and forth between the modern and historical timelines every few chapters. This would be intolerable if one storyline sucked, but fortunately they’re both good, so as you read it’s like “No! I don’t want to leave Richard and Amy!” and then a few chapters later it’s like “No! I don’t want to leave Eloise and Colin!” and so on.  Mildly annoying, but I can’t imagine the story being told in any other way.

The Payoff

This thing is funny. And hot romantic. And really well written. And she knows her history. And aw heck, why don’t I just squeal like the little fangirl I am.

There, done. Aren’t you glad you couldn’t hear me?

Rating:

5 out of 5 arrows

The other books in the Pink Carnation series are great, too. In order:
The Secret History of the Pink Carnation
The Masque of the Black Tulip
The Deception of the Emerald Ring
The Seduction of the Crimson Rose
The Temptation of the Night Jasmine
The Betrayal of the Blood Lily
The Mischief of the Mistletoe (coming in October 2010)