Wednesday Writing: The Grammar Nazi Copes With Facebook

Usually, the Grammar Nazi logs onto Facebook with a severe case of apprehension. She knows there will be capitalization issues and misspellings galore. She steels herself against posts that show a complete lack of comprehension on the concept of sentences.

Even prepared, it is always a traumatic experience.

For everyone on Facebook who now wonders if this is about them—please don’t worry. Unless you have to write in a professional capacity (or are working toward that goal) there’s no logical reason grammar and spelling errors in a Facebook post should produce stroke-like side effects in the Grammar Nazi. Neither she, nor her grammar is perfect, and Facebook amounts to casual speech—like typing in gchat or an email. It doesn’t matter.

But she still gets worked up!

It’s a problem. A failing, even. So, keep that in mind when she shares this one.

The Ur-Grammar Nazi posted the following comic on the Grammar Nazi’s wall (click on the image to visit what I think is the original context):

Only a few days later, the following post appeared on the Grammar Nazi’s news feed:

its to cold and windy todo anything got along day tomorrow

And the Grammar Nazi laughed! Actually laughed instead of choking, or developing a nosebleed or something to that effect.

Hey, it’s progress.

Friday Frivolity: The Grammar Nazi asks for a definition

Take the Internet Word Challenge! Define today’s undefined humdinger: “absolete.” The context is a yelp review about a restaurant:

“It’s the lack of appeal in the ambiance and the service level that holds me back from being an absolete fan of this place.”

So have at it, friends and neighbors. What does “absolete” mean?

And yes, the Grammar Nazi realizes she should really be calling herself the Spelling Nazi, so here’s an awful little bit of humor from webcomic Cyanide and Happiness:

The Grammar Nazi Tries to Service Her New Car

You guys like the Grammar Nazi, huh?

I have many, many miles to go before my new Honda Fit needs an oil change, but like any overprotective new parent I’m over-thinking how to take care of it.

I was raised to trust dealership service departments about as far as I can throw them, but in reading over my manual and doing some further reading online, I’m coming to think that I may need to take it to the dealership for oil changes and whatnot (partially due to the very specialized maintenance minder installed on the vehicle).

So, I’m reading consumer reviews for local dealerships. Some of these review sites allow the dealer to post a response to a customer’s comment, and what do you know, our favorite dealership (yes, the same one as last time) stopped the Grammar Nazi in her tracks.  The bolding is mine:

Dear [redacted], You said it, “repeat business and referrals say volumes about satisfaction.” Building customers for life is what we strive to do here at [redacted] Honda. You are the epidamy of that goal and we look forward to doing business with you for years to come. [redacted], Customer Relations Manager

First thought: Is this person talking about skin?
Second thought: Oh, epitome.
Third thought: Ahahahahahaha [cough] haha [cough] ahem.

Well…I guess that’s how most people say “epitome”. And, in the interest of full disclosure, the Grammar Nazi’s mother (hereinafter referred to as the Ur-Grammar Nazi) once had a good chuckle at the expense of her bookworm daughter over this very word. I had only ever read the word, knew what it meant, and pronounced it “EP-eh-tome.”

On the plus side, this rep used decent punctuation and capitalization with no typos, so I won’t dismiss her service department because she had the guts to use a good word (even if she made it sound like a skin condition). This dealer seems to have generally high marks, and their job is to accurately reset my complicated maintenance computer, not win spelling bees.

That said, anyone want to take a stab at defining “epidamy” ? 😉

The Grammar Nazi Tries to Buy a Car

“Thanks for your response, i would like to earn your business, we no loose business over the prcie.I think i gave you total price if you have lower price let me know.”

Sweetheart, the way to earn my business is not sending me an email riddled with typos and spelling/grammar errors. Let me tell you why.

#1 – Typos tell me you’re sloppy. Do I really want someone who’s sloppy with the details handling something as expensive and important as my car purchase?

#2 – Spelling errors may be forgivable on their own, but combined with the others…no, sorry I’m changing my mind. If you can’t spell, why are you working the internet sales team instead of the sales floor? Some people can’t spell–I get that–but when your chief tool for selling cars is the written word, how an internet salesperson spells and composes an email sends the same message as a regular salesperson strolling across a car lot wearing a camo hoodie and flip flops.

#3 – Grammar: “we no loose business”? Seriously? If English isn’t your first language, I’ll retract my claws to half-length, but my point remains.

No Frenchman would want to buy a car from me.